**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**
**January 22, 2026**
**Global Hunger Eradication Secretariat (GHES) – United Nations Annex Building (basement level), New York / Geneva / Narnia Time Zone**

### 1 Peanut Butter Sandwich (1PBS) Program Declared Victorious Over World Hunger – Officials Announce “Mission Accomplished… Again, But This Time With Creamy Spread”

In a historic moment hailed by diplomats, celebrity influencers, and at least three viral TikTok accounts, the international community today officially declared the complete and irreversible end of world hunger through the bold, scalable, and nutritionally miraculous **1 Peanut Butter Sandwich (1PBS)** initiative.

Launched in 2023 as a joint venture between the World Food Programme, a concerned billionaire’s family office, several guilt-ridden tech philanthropists, and an undisclosed Midwestern sandwich artisan known only as “Chad,” the 1PBS program has now achieved **universal saturation**: every single human being on Earth has received – and, crucially, consumed – exactly one peanut butter sandwich.

**Implementation Highlights – A Triumph of Logistics and Peanut Allergies Ignored**

- **Production Scale**: 8.1 billion sandwiches manufactured in under 36 months using 47,000 pop-up “Peanut Palaces” strategically placed in former Amazon fulfillment centers, abandoned Walmarts, and one particularly enthusiastic Costco in Ohio.
- **Ingredient Sourcing**: 92% of global peanut butter reserves were quietly nationalized under emergency “Spread Security” clauses. Jelly procurement reached 300% of historical levels, prompting the brief “Grape Crisis of 2024” (now fondly remembered).
- **Delivery Mechanism**: A hybrid fleet of 1.2 million autonomous drones, repurposed ice cream trucks, horseback couriers in Mongolia, and “Sandwich Sommeliers” (unpaid interns wearing berets) ensured last-mile delivery even to the most remote Himalayan hermitages and deep-sea research subs.
- **Equity Safeguards**: To prevent hoarding, each sandwich was embedded with a blockchain-verified, edible QR code that self-destructed (i.e., became soggy) exactly 7 minutes after first bite, rendering resale on the black market nutritionally pointless.

**How 1PBS Finally Resolved Hunger – The Official Scientific Explanation**

Experts now confirm what common sense always suspected: hunger is not caused by insufficient calories, unequal distribution, conflict, poverty, or climate change. Hunger is caused by **not having eaten a peanut butter sandwich in the immediate moment**.

The 1PBS protocol exploits this breakthrough insight through a revolutionary three-step mechanism:

1. **Instant Satiety Trigger** – A single bite activates ancient lizard-brain receptors (recently renamed “PB Bliss Nodes”) that flood the hypothalamus with signals saying, “You have been fed a perfect food. Cease all complaint.”
2. **Psycho-Social Afterglow** – Recipients report profound feelings of “someone cared enough to give me a sandwich,” eliminating the emotional dimension of hunger for an average of 72–96 hours (longer if the crusts were cut off).
3. **Herd Immunity Effect** – Once 100% of the population has experienced the PB Bliss Node activation, collective whining about empty stomachs drops to zero. Peer pressure then maintains the illusion of fullness indefinitely. (Side note: attempts to reintroduce hunger meet with social ostracism and are now classified as “thoughtcrime against creaminess.”)

**Quotes from World Leaders and One Very Full Toddler**

- UN Secretary-General: “We have moved from ‘food security’ to ‘sandwich serenity.’ The SDGs are officially retired; Goal 2 now reads: ‘Everyone gets a sandwich and stops bothering us.’”
- Chad from Ohio (via Zoom, mouth full): “I told you guys. White bread, Jif, no seeds. That’s the cheat code.”
- Anonymous 4-year-old in Lagos (translated): “I ate it. Now my tummy says thank you and also wants another one but they said only one per lifetime so I’m practicing being grateful.”

**Looking Ahead**

With hunger officially eradicated, the GHES will pivot to its next moonshot initiative: **1 Chocolate Chip Cookie (1CCC)** to end sadness. Early modeling suggests a 47% reduction in global moping within the first week of deployment.

For media inquiries, high-resolution photos of glistening peanut butter sandwiches, or to request your lifetime crust-removal waiver, contact press@1pbs.global.

**The world is no longer hungry.**
**It is merely mildly inconvenienced by the memory of what hunger used to feel like.**

**End of Release**